Privacy Policy and Disclaimers

VITAL PRIVACY POLICY &DISCLAIMERS INFO:
Please Read Through Every Word on This Page…
There may be a Pop Quiz at the end.

The information provided on web site by Kramer.Firm, Inc., a New Mexico corporation (“Kramer.Firm”). The Kramer.Firm web site is for general interest only. If you have no general interest in this, we understand.

The information on this web site may not reflect current technical, legal, or policy developments. In fact, this web site may not reflect anything at all, and in that case should be considered to be a true black hole on the web.

No content on this site should be relied upon or construed as legal advice.  That’s because Kramer.Firm, Inc. is NOT a law firm, and its staff do not practice law through Kramer.Firm. For legal advice, engage a really, really smart attorney…we know of some particularly good ones.

That fact that you receive information from this web site does NOT create any sort of relationship between us. Maybe something will come of it, but that’s in the future! Legally, nothing creates a valid and enforceable relationship between you and Kramer.Firm except a written agreement signed by both of us. It’s called a contract, and it requires your signature (the offer) and then ours (the acceptance), plus silly things like legally-valid consideration and a lack of valid defenses to formation.

Each thing we do is factually unique, just like every person is factually unique. This is the hook for us to say that that your results or outcome of your thing may not be the same as in any of our (or your) prior things. Some things are engagements. Some engagements never end up in marriages, which is probably good for everybody except for the family law lawyers. For more specific, comprehensive and up-to-date information, or for help with particular actual legal things, you are advised to seek the legal opinion of an attorney before taking any action, or refraining from taking an action regarding your thing. Need an attorney in New Mexico?  As we said above, we know some really good ones…just ask.

Kramer.Firm’s staff love to hang out in New Mexico. Given how much we travel, however, it seems like we also have an office on way-to-many Southwest Airlines 737s (we like their brand new 737-800s, by the way…great ‘new aircraft’ smell). Naw, it’s not true…we don’t have a real office in a jet at 35,000 feet…it just feels that way…often.

The real live person responsible for this web site is Jonathan L. Kramer. He’s the head and tail of Kramer.Firm, Inc.

Kramer.Firm, Inc. is a New Mexico corporation authorized by the New Mexico Secretary of State. We’ve got the papers and paid invoices to prove it. Oh Joy.

Disclaimers for Normal People

Congratulations on being normal. This section is for you…

Kramer.Firm specifically disclaims any responsibility for information, facts, assertions, lies, peanuts, popcorn, etc. on pages stored at and/or displayed from this site, and on World Wide Web pages which are linked to or from any page at this site, and pages which aren’t linked here, and pages that only exist in the minds of their web masters or web mistresses. Moreover, we disclaim any responsibility for anything anyone ever told you growing up, including but not limited to your mother and father, siblings, extended family, teachers, and friends. Remember, the Net is just like TV and radio; if you’re of age and you don’t like what you see or hear, you need only switch it off or to another channel…yourself. No one will (or should) do that for you.

Our information is offered in order–and oft-times in and with jest–to provide you with a starting point for your further investigation, Shamus. As smart people like to say, ‘Each particular situation will be factually unique.’ ‘Your mileage may vary.’ ‘Void where prohibited.’ ‘May be cancelled or changed without notice.’Don’t rely upon any of it for any reason, or even for no reason. Yeah, this is about the third time we’ve said that, but some people need to be hit upside the head several times before they get it.

Our Special Disclaimers for Attorneys and the Like

This is the Kramer.Firm special disclaimer notice to attorneys and the like, a group never falls into the ‘normal people’ category.

Okay, here’s the deal. There’s is some really good information on this site, and some that’s utterly useless.

Huh?

Most of the good stuff is fairly straight forward and clear. Some of it is intended to be tongue-in-cheek. Our tongue; our cheek.  Some of it is intended to be read as inside jokes. Some of the stuff here is rarely and barely read at all.

Sorry, but if you’re not privy to the inside jokes you should consider yourself not to be one of the insiders, or smart enough to know that you’re the butt of one of them. It’s important to know the difference, but after 3 or more years in law school, you should be smart enough to make an educated guess.

Just to liven up the site, you might find some pages here with … gasp! … really good information *and* inside jokes. In fact, typically greater than 7.481% of the pages here fall into that category. The question for you is whether the page you’d like to use falls into one category or the other. Of course, the simple answer is that any page you view at this site falls into one category or the other. (See, isn’t this good, clean fun?)

So what’s all this mean?

Just about everything or nothing you need for your depo background prep is already here on the site. Go search…it’s there, and you’ll get paid by the hour to try and find it! Then again, maybe it’s not here and you still get paid for it. It’s our little gift to you and the partners!

Finally, when you were admitted the bar, you didn’t give up your sense of humor did you? (Huh? You did? Oops… Sorry!) Anyway, laugh a bit. Your beloved (and/or cat and/or dog) will welcome it. It’ll absolutely scare the hell out of the partner, and isn’t that a good enough reason to enjoy humor and smile? We hope so!

Our Privacy Policy

This is the Kramer.Firm Privacy Notice.

We agree with Scott McNealy on this topic, but anyway, on with the show…

By using this site, you agree to this Privacy Policy of Kramer.Firm. In fact, you not only bind yourself (do you enjoy that?), but also your entire family, your employer, your gas station attendant (remember when they really existed?!), and your pets and livestock to this policy. Now and forever.

Simple, eh?

Kramer.Firm, which operates this site, recognizes the earth-shattering importance of protecting the privacy of personally identifiable information collected about visitors to our site. Frankly, we’re not sophisticated enough to automatically collect your personally identifiable information, such as your name, address or email address, Social Security Number (which apparently everyone has already had stolen, including Jonathan Kramer’s), hopes, wishes, disappointments, etc. We need your help to do that.

Personally identifiable information about visitors, spies, snoops, etc. to our site is collected only when you knowingly and voluntarily submit it, or forget to block it (such as your static or dynamic I.P. address). Remember, only you can hit the ENTER key!

We may, and sometimes do, collect certain non-personal information to “clog the log” (ours; not yours). That non-personal data may include the identity of your Internet browser (huh? You didn’t know your browser had an identity?), the type of operating system you use (we won’t tell Bill G. if it’s “something else”), and the domain name or I.P. address of your Internet service provider or your cable, DSL, your T1, or your tin-cans-and-string connection.

We may use such non-personal information for internal purposes, including but not limited to impressing our spouses, kids, dogs, etc. about how many visitors come to our site… Interestingly, exactly the same number of visitors who come to this site end up leaving this site. Go figure!

“We’d Like to Know A Little Bit about You for Our Files…”

In those instances when we do collect personally identifiable information, the following policies apply:

We’ll tell you when we are collecting personally identifiable information about you by asking for your personally identifiable information. If we ask for your name, address, phone number, email address, shoe size, etc., you can be pretty sure that that’s within the category of “personally identifiable information.” For example, we may ask to collect your personal information to snoop on you, how you use this site, whether you’re a member of any organization we support or oppose, etc.

Personally identifiable information that you provide can and may be used by us for other purposes. Such other uses and purposes may include, but not be limited to, telling your parents that you were visiting our web site after your bedtime.

Kramer.Firm isn’t responsible for the privacy policies or practices (or lack thereof) of linked entities, opposing organizations, space aliens, attorneys, or attorneys who are space aliens.  You get the idea.

Kramer.Firm’s web site maintains virtually no more than the most basic safeguards–i.e., strongish password protected databases and the like–to ensure the security, integrity and privacy of personally identifiable information submitted to our site. We periodically wonder if there are any real security measures that can occur in light of (or in spite of) current and new technologies. Your thoughts on this will be appreciated.

If you’re uncomfortable with our honesty here, we strongly encourage you to lie, cheat, and use plenty of false data when responding to our requests for your personal information. That way, if that personal information is ever disclosed or stolen, you’ll rest better knowing that nothing of real value has been lost, and nothing of real value has been gained.

By the way, we do take lots of steps to protect our client’s data and their secrets, but those data and secrets are not anywhere to be found on this web site or on this web server.

Cookies

Cookies may be very tasty! We’re very fond of warm, gooey cookies. You?

If you don’t want information about you collected using cookies (hey, why do they call ‘um cookies?), there is an obscure and difficult-to-follow procedure in most web browsers to permit you to deny the cookie feature. We dare you to find it. Even if you do figure out how to block cookies, lots of web sites will stop working for you. Perhaps they’re offended that you don’t like the flavor of their cookies? Snobs! But, why would anyone say, “No!” to a nice cookie?

Kramer.Firm may or may not use cookies at this site. We assure you that if we are, you can bet that they’d be warm, gooey cookies (or better yet, cookie dough) or small snippets of data stored on your hard drive or SSD drive. As an alternative to cookies, we like licking cake batter out of the bowl, even knowing how quickly that spreads germs and promotes food poisoning.

Okay, in near-reality, to the extent we use cookies, we use them to track your activities on this site. You leave the cookie trail… we’ll follow it (and you) around our site. We don’t use cookies to track your activities off of this site. We simply don’t know how to do that…yet. But we do know how to log the means by which you found your way to our site (for example, by using Google or Yahoo to search for us, then clicking on the links they provided).

Query: have you erased your browser cookies recently? You should do so often. We do it every day, or every day that we remember to do it. We like Spybot for this task. We also use MalwareBytes, which doesn’t bite.

Links to Third Parties

Kramer.Firm has established links from our site directly to sites operated by third parties. Why they party for the third time is one of the great unanswered questions of our time.

Visit the third party sites at your own pace (and at your own risk). We’re not responsible for the content or practices of those linked web sites, or web sites operated by others that have linked to Kramer.Firm. Frankly, it’s hard enough being responsible for this web site.

If you decide to visit another site via a Kramer.Firm outbound link, you should read their privacy policy before snooping around their site. See if it’s any more truthful or expansive compared to our policy. We suspect it won’t be. You have been warned!

“But what if I don’t agree with all this stuff?”

OMG! If you do not agree to this full disclosure and privacy policy, please go away…quickly…before any more of your privacy evaporates before your eyes. LOL!

Kramer.Firm reviews this disclosure privacy policy on a regular basis, not exceeding 1.74 years between reviews, and reserves the right, at our sole discretion and without prior notice to you (or your offspring, your dog, Harry Shearer, or anyone else) to add, modify, remove or color in any portions of this Policy at any time.

You should stop back to this page really, really, really often to see if we’ve sneaked in anything new, or chopped out anything that’s vital.

If you want to write us about this Policy, please send snail mail to:

Privacy? You Have GOT to be Kidding!
c/o Kramer.Firm, Inc.
37095 Ellison Road NW, Suite B #200
Albuquerque, NM 87114

So, having read all of this so far, wouldn’t you agree that our privacy policy is one of the more honest ones you’ve read on the Internet? We think it is. Please, let us know if you your opinion. Even if you have no opinion on the subject, we’re open to your suggestions on how to make this page even more informative and time-wasting.

“Now I’m really Flummoxed! What can I do?”

Okay. I still don’t get it!? Now what?

Well, if you don’t understand any or all of the information on this page, please call or write to Mr. Kramer. Using simple words and short, declarative sentences, try and explain what you don’t understand. Mr. Kramer will try to explain it to you, as well as why it’s important to you, and to us, or only to your, or only to us. Remember, however, that he can only explain it to you…he can’t understand it for you!